Do You Even Ride?


Up for sale is this broken old bike.

If your child’s birthday is coming up you could give them this bike, ensuring that they will never injure themselves while biking – this is due mainly to the fact that the bike lacks a wheel and can achieve a top speed of zero. DIY types might be able to source another wheel and install it but have no fear, with the broken chain it still stays at low speeds, being little more than an oversized run bike. Unfortunately the one remaining brake does not work, so I can’t condone actually using the bike as transportation until that is fixed. It’s probably just a cable or two, maybe some pads and at the very most, the entire brake system that needs to be replaced.

If you don’t know any young children to give this bike to, you can always use it yourself as an exercise bike. For an extra fee I will provide some wooden blocks to go under the bike, raising it up enough to sit on and pedal. The back wheel won’t turn because of the previously mentioned broken chain so you don’t need to worry about the lack of brakes, front wheel or turning ability. Simply sit on the comfortable seat and spin the pedals like crazy. There’s no gears or difficulty selection so you’ll probably only develop one or two muscles. If anyone ever asks you to pedal a bike on the absolute lowest gear on flat ground you’ll be able to do it really well with your new pedal spinning muscles.

This bike is also perfect if you’ve ever wanted to be a unicyclist but needed a unicycle! The handy handlebars allow you to balance better than a traditional unicycle, and the lack of a functioning chain eliminates the need to go up hills. The chain currently wraps itself around the pedals every once in a while and makes a strange noise but I’m sure it’s an easy fix. Seat is not in good shape, I was lying when I said it was comfortable earlier. You may want to wear padding if you plan to sit on the seat.

Custom blue paint job mostly covers up the old red paint job and complements the rust very well. Two colours of blue contrast each other making this bike look like a sea of sky. You could pretend that the red bits that are showing through are rays of sunshine. Forks have a few small scratches but that’s to be expected because there’s no wheel. Pedals mostly match each other, one is black and one is black with paint over-spray on it. You can also pretend that it’s a camouflage paint job if you want although that obviously isn’t the truth, I’m just bad at painting.

You can buy my bike/unicycle for only ten dollars, if you want the custom wooden exercise bike blocks I can make them for an extra five dollars.