A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. The bartender came up to him and said, “Sorry sir, but we have no beer.”
“Are you sure?” asked the man, who’s name was Jack.
“Yes quite,” replied the bartender, who’s mother had had the foresight to name Bartender.
“Well,” said Jack, “that is quite the conflict. A sort of man versus natural depletion of resources thing, huh?”
“I suppose so,” said Bartender, “but there is plenty of wine, would you care for some of that?”
“No,” replied Jack, “in order to fulfill my quest that arose from the conflict of you being out of beer I must hold fast to my desiring of a beer. Please good sir, do not detain my search and let me venture into your backroom!”
“Ah! A quest,” exclaimed Bartender, “let me accompany you young man! I posses much knowledge of the treacherous realms in the backroom and would not hesitate to lead you down the correct path.” And so it was that Jack the man and Bartender the bartender set out upon a quest to find a beer in the backroom. “Ohmygoodness!” exclaimed Jack, “This is a large storage room, where would a case of beer ever be?”
“I do not know, mayhaps by the beer aisle.” said Bartender.
“Oh,” said Jack thoughtfully, “I don’t suppose you would know where to find this aisle of beer?”
“Well…no.” said Bartender.
“Surely this is the climax of our troubles,” said Jack.
Jack and Bartender wandered for a while, their quest pressing on their minds. At length they came upon a aisle marked ‘Beer’.
“Oho!” Exclaimed Jack and Bartender, at the same moment. But, upon entrance of the beer aisle they happened on a large beast, too horrible to be described by any words known to man. “Who be it that dares to enter my aisle!” the beast screeched, his voice like a cheese grater on a chalkboard.
“Well…it’s Jack and Bartender,” said Jack, his own voice rather feeble in comparison.
“Any wishing to pass me must get past my test!” said the beast.
“What sort of test?” inquired Jack.
“A test of bravery and courage!” screamed the beast, his horrible eyes glinting.
Jack and Bartender quivered, their minds awash with thoughts of what the test could be. The beast sat in silence.
“Well,” said Jack, “what is this test then?”
The beast continued to sit on the floor, prolonging the anticipation of Jack and Bartender.
“Look, will you give us this test or not?” asked Bartender.
The beast continued to ignore the two. The tension that was building in the room grew and grew. The beast’s indescribable eyes slowly opened and glared at Jack, giving him a look that could melt steel.
“Actually,” said the beast, “I’ve decided that you’ve had quite enough conflict, tension and anticipation in your tale so far and you may pass right now for the small fee of twelve dollars.”
“Well that seems reasonable.” said Bartender, handing over ten dollars and a toonie.
Bartender and Jack continued forth, past the beast of hideousness, deep into the aisle of beer where Jack discovered a dusty case of beer.
And so it was that Jack and the Bartender found a beer, fulfilling their quest and ending the conflict that had arisen so very long ago.